Expression Isn’t Performance—It’s Alignment

It’s showing as who you REALLY are!

Author: Esther Sarlo, BA, Founder | Visionary ~ Mynd Myself

I’ve been thinking a lot about expression this last while. Conversations with my love, friends, colleagues, new acquaintances…it keeps coming up.

Expression: the act of bringing what is internal—thoughts, feelings, ideas, or energy—into a form that can be experienced, perceived, or understood by yourself and/or others.

Expression is definitely not just the purview of artists in their various pursuits and genres. You’ve heard of the “starving artist in a garret”—a meme associated with the idea that art must emerge from suffering. Others create from a place of joy or ecstasy. In fact, feelings are likely at the root of all creative expression.

What Expression is NOT

It seems that we humans (certainly in North America) have not been very good at expressing what’s REALLY going on for us. We’ve learned pointed and repeated lessons in “keeping our mouths shut.” The last six years have not helped us in that regard.

Perhaps some of these phrases are familiar to you?

- - Don’t rock the boat.
  - It’s not a hill worth dying on.
  - Be seen and not heard (yup, even past childhood!)
  - Be quiet. (The implication being—your voice doesn’t matter.)
  - You’re overreacting.
  - Why are you making this such a big deal?
  - Just calm down.
  - Just do what you’re told.
  - You’re too sensitive.
  - Just get over it already.

I believe we have lived under the imperative that it’s better to just ‘stuff’ our emotions rather than expressing them. To shut down and pretend everything is okay…even when it’s not.

But here’s the thing: the body speaks what the voice does not.

I’ve experienced this more times than I can count—tightness in my throat, a heaviness in my belly, a sense that something isn’t right. And when I slow down enough to listen, it’s often something I haven’t said. Something I’ve pushed aside—or told myself “it’s not a big deal.”

Everything Is Inside

You’ve heard me repeatedly refer to the idea that everything that happens to us is inside us. Things don’t just disappear when we don’t address them. They remain in our systems, impacting our thoughts and emotions, our coherence, our health—body, mynd, and spirit—and our overall well-being. Our willingness to authentically and truthfully express who we are is paramount to our development as a soul and to the health of our relationships. Our ability to express is directly related to our ability to be at peace.

“We can’t be afraid of being who we are.
~ Nina Simone

In past Mynd Myself blogs, we’ve discussed things like presence, intention, alignment, clarity, acceptance, etc. Well, when it comes to expression, we need all of those things…and more.

What to Do BEFORE Expressing

An important distinction needs to be made here. Before you begin expressing, you actually need to become aware—conscious—of your feelings. That requires intention and presence. Paying attention to the sensations you’re feeling, where they are in your body, and what emotions are arising along with those sensations. Then, giving yourself permission to be in those sensations and truly feel them.

This is where we can get tripped up. Especially when the feelings are big. Or inconvenient. Or not ‘appropriate.’ Or ‘too much.’ This is not permission to wallow. It is permission to feel…deeply.

I appreciate Jonatan Mårtensson’s quote here:

“Feelings are much like waves—we can’t stop them from coming but we can choose which ones to surf.”

Feelings, Feelings, Feelings

Feelings are always arising. It’s how we navigate them and express them that makes all the difference.

What would our relationships be like if we’d been taught early—and in school, along with our academic subjects—how to be present, feel our feelings, process our thoughts and emotions, learn and recognize different communication styles, engage in conflict resolution, and here’s one, practice honesty and truth!

For me, elementary and high school were places of “just get through it as best you can,” not “these are the best years of your life.” I certainly did NOT express my feelings.

Perhaps for you it might have been different.

Owning Your Power

Alice Walker said,

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

I certainly didn’t think I had any power during that period of my life—and even into my twenties and thirties. Perhaps outcomes would have been different if I had been able to express the truth of my experience in a healthy way.

Now, I love the idea of radical wholeness—which includes expressing what’s really up for me. It’s the mustering up of the courage to speak what’s true.

Of course, healthy boundaries, listening skills, and parking our egos are a part of the expression equation as well.

Expression Is Medicine

Expression—true, authentic, boundaried, and respectful expression—is our MEDICINE. In a world that continues to be fractured and polarized, we most assuredly need this medicine now. It’s not a new idea. In 1989, Madonna, in Express Yourself, invited women everywhere to express themselves AND ‘make’ their partners do the same.

Long before pop culture gave it a voice, poets, philosophers, and mystics were already pointing to the same truth—that what lives within us is meant to be known, felt, and ultimately expressed. Not perfectly. But honestly.

Expression is absolutely germane to the issues we’re wrestling with today.

I find myself, at 62, diving deep into what expression actually means in my day-to-day life…even (and maybe most especially) when it’s hard. It could be something as simple as naming a small irritation instead of brushing it aside. That has shifted things. What I would have once held in—and let build—now becomes a conversation. Not always easy, but far more honest.

Expression is important when conflict arises. When there’s annoyance. When there are different styles and priorities. AND, when there’s joy, fun, and celebration.

I find that my relationships are richer for it. They are more authentic. They have the potential to be deeper and more fulfilling.

There are those who fall away because they don’t wish—or are unable—to express themselves. That’s okay. We can only do and be what we’re ready to do and be.

The Difference

But I ask you—how would our relationships transform if we could truthfully, authentically, and respectfully express what we’re truly feeling…and have the other simply listen? And then—what would happen if we could listen as the other expresses what they are feeling.