Where insight begins and change becomes possible.
Author: Esther Sarlo, BA, Founder | Visionary ~ Mynd Myself
What’s New?
“There is nothing new under the sun,” is an ancient text that most of us have heard before. Despite technology’s terrifyingly rapid rate of expansion, at core, we continue to cycle through familiar human patterns and emotions.
We are born and we die. We move through longing and loss. We battle for power and face our own vulnerability, fragility, and strength. We dance with love, betrayal, restoration, and repair. We fear change or loss and we hunger for meaning.
Perhaps newness is really about meeting an old truth with fresh awareness?
This is a time of year often accompanied by reflection that may be absent in other seasons. Last January I wrote about intentions and asked you some questions:
- What did you learn from last year?
- What did you love about last year?
- What do you wish to leave behind?
- What are you moving forward into?
What is Clarity?
Although those are still great questions, today, I’d like to expand on that with our theme of Clarity.
Oxford dictionary defines clarity as:
- The quality of being coherent and intelligible.
- The quality of transparency or purity.
Contemporary tools, including AI, describe clarity as being clear, easy to understand, and free from confusion, whether it’s about communication, thought, or vision.
Just “Stop It”
In the past three days I had the privilege of attending “The Stop It Summit” with Eric Edmeades who is widely known in behavioural change and evolutionary psychology circles. He is one of the most powerful and vibrant speakers and facilitators practicing their craft today. And what a storyteller! In “The Stop It Summit” we explored:
- How habits and patterns form and get locked in.
- Why force, discipline, and willpower tend to backfire.
- How awareness re-enters the process and restores choice.
- Why different people require different approaches when it comes to stopping.
What struck me most was how clarity re-enters the system not through effort, but through awareness.
You Are Not Broken
I love the unswerving commitment Eric has to the underlying premise that “nothing is broken” and that “insight and awareness precede change.”
I am not broken. You are not broken. In my opinion, however, we all get in our own way sometimes. We’ve likely all got some unwanted habit or pattern that we’d like to shift—and have experienced frustration with ourselves after trying various ‘brute-force’ tactics to change that ultimately fail. More willpower and discipline are not the solution.
I know I sometimes get bogged down in the mud of my own misery at repeating the same patterns that I know no longer serve me—if they ever really did serve me in the first place. Can you relate to piles of paper growing in your office?! This one has been dogging me forever!
The “Stop It” Principles
In “The Stop It Summit” we were encouraged to:
- Bring into awareness a few of our behaviours and patterns—without judgement.
- Choose three to focus on. Then pick one to start.
- Consider what might have started or triggered this behaviour.
- Look at what might have locked it in and what is the current ‘win’ for continuing that behaviour.
- Explore where there might be places awareness might return or arise.
- Face the cost of allowing the pattern to continue.
- FEEL IT.
- Decide what I want.
- Awareness—agency without force.
- Consider ‘off-ramps’ and moments of choice.
- Apply awareness and softening.
- Watch clarity emerge.
Some Questions
To help me get to the place of being able to name the patterns I wish to work on, these are some questions I’m also reflecting on right now:
- What is no longer sustainable?
- Where am I over-efforting instead of listening?
- What already wants my cooperation?
- What are my passions?
- What is my true purpose? And where am I on the path to living that?
- How might I be getting in my own way?
In his song, “I Can See Clearly Now,” Johnny Nash sings:
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day
I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I’ve been prayin’ for
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshiny day
While I love singing along to this song—it is cheerful and encouraging—I don’t think the rain or the pain have to be gone nor do the bad feelings have to disappear for us to look ahead, see clearly, and begin to make changes.
Darkest Before Dawn?
In A Ring of Endless Light (1980), Madeleine L’Engle said,
“Maybe you have to know the darkness before you can appreciate the light.”
Clarity doesn’t always arrive quickly. Sometimes it asks for patience, presence, and a willingness to stay with what hasn’t yet resolved. Becoming aware that you are not where you want to be really is a starting point, not a failure.
As I tackle my previously swelling paper piles this next short while, with the view to creating a new system of freedom around it, I am definitely applying the “Stop It” principles.
Ditching the guilt, being gentle with myself, becoming aware of the patterns and processes involved, and being present to what is (another theme we explore all the time together in these blogs) are all essential. I believe that as I become aware of what triggered this behaviour—and the ongoing ‘win’ that keeps it in place (even when my rational mind insists there is none)—it will begin to shift far more than just the piles! As I become more aware and stay in the process, I will clear a path for more creativity, energy, and abundance.
I also believe that small, honest adjustments will compound far more reliably than any grand declarations or resolutions I might make. My intention is to meet my old ‘truths’ with fresh awareness.
In her book, The Places That Scare You (2001), Pema Chödrön said,
“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.”
In The House of Belonging (1997), David Whyte said,
“The visible and the invisible working together in common cause, to produce the miraculous.”
My Commitments
This year, I commit to naming and exploring a few of my more significant patterns that have been getting in my way. I commit to shifting into being ever more congruent and authentic as I live more deeply as who I am. I commit to ditching progress for ‘convention’s sake’ and following my purpose and calling. I commit to being gentle and loving toward myself in the process.
I leave you with these two quotes:
“The braver we are, the luckier we get.”
~ Glennon Doyle in Untamed (2020)
“Truth is what is true, and it’s not always pretty.”
~ Madeleine L’Engle in A Wind in the Door (1973)
Not everything needs to be clear all at once.
Not everything needs to be resolved.
Sometimes clarity simply begins with noticing what’s asking for your attention—and staying present long enough to listen.
Will you join me in the quest—not to ‘fix’ yourself, but to meet what’s already here with greater awareness?
Bonus Reflections:
- This year, I intend to bring greater awareness to _____.
- This year, I intend to live with more _____ in how I show up each day.
- This year, when I notice myself defaulting to old patterns, I intend to _____.
- This year, I intend to let go of the belief that _____.
- This year, I intend to honour _____ more consistently.
- This year, I intend to remember that _____ matters more than _____.
Much love…and clarity…to you.♥
